We recommend that it would be good for both parties to meet up for the first time to get to know each other better first. A sit down dinner would be good and if there is any awkward silences, the couple can always salvage it by talking or serving the parents with food and drinks before continuing any discussion. Of course, if the parents can hit it off it would be good. The couple should know their parents best so always discuss with each other before holding the first parents meet up session.
The couple should control the meeting by introducing each other's parents and initiate a small talk. It's always best to build up the comfort level before proceeding to talk about sensitive issues such as dowry and gifts. Only when both parties feel comfortable, the couple can start off by suggesting the topic of 过大礼 and the gifts before proceeding to the amount of dowry. Do take down notes on the agreed items.
What to discuss
* 娉金 (Bride Price) / 嫁妆 (Dowry)
* 过大礼 items required (Click here to see recommended items)
* Auspicious dates and times for 过大礼, 安床, ROM, Customary Wedding
* Number of tables to be given to the Bride's family
Where to meet
If the couple's house is ready, if not either one of the couple's home. The host party could arrange for lunch or dinner at their place. You will get privacy and feel more comfortable. You could probably watch tv or eat some fruits after the meal, and make the atmosphere more relax before proceeding to formal discussions.
If you have the budget, you could book a private room at a restaurant and sit down for a nice meal before discussing further. It's good to have a nice private and quiet area for a nice discussion. If a private venue is not possible, try to request for corner tables or a more secluded area which is not so noisy. Let the restaurant manager know that you are hosting the parents discussion and they should understand.
On the day of your ROM
If both sides' parents are ok with the idea, you could always arrange for a discussion after the ROM ceremony. If you have planned for your ROM ceremony to be held at a private venue, you could make use of the premises to hold a discussion. If your ROM is at the ROMM or at home, you could make arrangements to discuss over a meal after the celebrated event. After all, everyone's spirits would be great after the lovey dovey ceremony.
Preparation for 过大礼
Modern twist to notable 过大礼 customs